Dear Karma!

To my 6-star:

I don't know why you fakin liike.
Ew.... you slushy.
I hate you ho.
(rank comment made)......Line.......
You a nigga nancy.
Go wash your butt.
I love you ho.

so. i'm leaving for 3 weeks and i'm going to miss you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much. the above phrases are all the things i am going to miss about our texts and conversations. i'm sure i forgot some things because we come up with something new every day but i think those are our most frequently used phrases. i don't know. i've been thinking about how i'm going to balance my sadness from not being able to text you or call you whenever i want with my happiness from being home and being around alimamy. i mean. i'm sure i'm totally overestimating how much i'll miss you. i don't even like you that much. you know i hate you ho. because you a nigga nancy and i don't deal with nigga nancies.

[Aside]
i really don't know how to express how sad i feel already. it's a weird feeling. (let's therapize it) i feel really anxious when i think about it. and the anxiety is in my heart and it's like a pulsating type feeling. and some of it goes down to my stomach. it's really uncomfortable. and it's a scary feeling. the anxiety makes me want to cry. because i'm not forced to be without karma for more than a few hours. i can hardly be without her for the few hours i'm in class. karma's my best friend. i hope her friends are there for her when she needs it. i hope they understand her hurt. i hope they make her laugh and give her pep talks. motivate her. encourage her. don't only take her out to the club with them. i'm sure she'll be ok without me. i'm worried about how i'll be without her. i take karma with me everywhere. i guess she'll be in my heart and on my mind so she's still going with me. but she won't be there to laugh at people with me. she won't be there to share in the experience. DAMMIT. I AINT GOING NOWHERE, UNLESS I CAN TAKE MY KARMA INC.

well.....we all know Mrs. Cutoff Your Phone (Mrs. CYP) will have none of that. but she just don't understand what it is between me and my fiancee.

let me stop fakin liike part of my anxiety isn't from you finding my replacement. don't get me wrong. i'm cool. shit. i'm funny. SHIT. i get it done, two sticks in my bun. so it should be rather hard to find someone who has all of those qualities. and it's hard for you to find someone who doesn't annoy you. lol. you're so picky with who you fucks with. unless they toting green then your filtering system kind of breaks down.

iight. this is just today's chronicle of how i'm feeling. i'm really going to miss blogging these next 3 weeks. i might blog once a week or something.