Back to Love, Back to my Home

Live to learn to grow to trust to change.........

In 0900 hours I will be departing for home. Freetown, Sierra Leone. Somehow, I've allowed myself to revel in anxiety and a bit of sadness about going. Which is completely ridiculous. This trip presents so many opportunities for me. I should be nothing but hopeful for the time I'll be spending with friends and family for the next three weeks. If anything, this year has taught me that family members slip away so easily. Actually, I first learned that when I was in ninth grade. Then it seems like every year after then. My most recent reminder was in January. I think going through what I have with my family has deflated my faith in the entity. I've been projecting that lack of faith onto my family at home, which is wrong to do. The family here is blinded by so many things as a result of emigrating to this country. That's not how it is back home. Back home there's solidarity, they support one another, they understand what it is to love one another and be there for one another. Somehow my parents and relatives have diverted from all of those things. I know I'll have nothing but smiles on my face and in my heart once I see my grandmother and other family members.

Living to learn to grow to trust to change.........

Into a better person into a woman. I'm not a little girl anymore but I'm stuck in what I once was what I used to feel. I still feel that hurt and that anger because I relive every event, every day. I don't sit and think about every event of every year until i'm at the nineteenth. But in my daily anxiety and sadness and inability to think highly of myself, is pain from ages 4-19.

Far away from here, far away from here. Far away from here. Just jump in a taxi cab, pack a bag, and get away fast.......

Shoutouts: Zainab Kamarah & Alimamy Bangura